If you are like most women, you have probably bee tuaght to be ‘nice’ and a ‘people pleaser’. The trouble with this is that everyone else will be pleased EXCEPT you!
If you are feeling like a pressure cooker about to explode, or as if you are running on an empty fuel tank, it’s time to practice saying NO.
Piling On Stress
Not being able to say no can greatly contribute to elevated stress and poor physical health. Trying to do too much is a fast way to get burned out. It can add to chronic stress, and people who cannot say no are usually the first to fall victim to bad health.
It is important to understand your own boundaries and limitations. While helping others is important, you have to take care of yourself first in order to be able to care for anyone else. This means sometimes saying no to friends and family, in order to maintain an optimal level of health and wellness for yourself.
Feelings Of Obligation
This is by far the most common cause of resentment between people, because they are basically “forced” to say yes whether or not they want to. Maybe the person asking did a major favor for you in life, maybe it is a family member you can’t avoid, but either way, they keep coming to you over and over again.
If this is the case, you need to ask yourself “When have I paid them back in full?” You can make it clear that you appreciate what they did in the past but you’ve done a lot since and are on you own path and mission in life. With so few waking hours in the day, you need to follow your path.
Learning to say no is important so you don’t enable others to commit bad behavior. If you never say no to a child, for example, they will become very spoiled and impossible to deal with.
From friends begging you for a loan to fuel their unnecessary spending, to people asking you to go out drinking with them when you suspect they have an alcohol problem, it is in their best interests to say no, and mean it.
Avoid Suffering in Silence
There have undoubtedly been numerous times when you have sat in silence, suffering and fuming. This is not healthy. You might not be able to control other people, but you CAN control the way you react to others. You might hate confrontation, but sometimes it is the only way to effect positive change in your life.
NO is NOT a bad word. It is actually one of the healthiest choices you can make. You deserve to be your best self and live your best life. That being the case, practice saying it in front of a mirror. No, I’m sorry will give you the freedom you are longing for.
One final point-do NOT give a reason. That would leave the door open to them trying to get around you and make you say yes. Say no, and mean it. End of discussion. You will be a lot happier and healthier once you master this.