Guru Goddess

In our continuing look at romance, one thing we have to consider is what the other person is seeing.

CAN YOU SEE THE REAL ME?

We are very visual as human beings. So yes, it is true, that guy may have a great personality, but if you don’t even get to the longing looks in their direction stage, you are probably missing out. You know what I’m talking about too, girls, if you have ever wondered why some girls get all the attention, and you feel you are invisible.

Again, chemistry and compatibility are two essential ingredients in any relationship. I’ve been really interested to watch the interplay between Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton when they have appeared on the campaign trail recently.

Whatever issues they may have had in the past, it is pretty clear that they enjoy being with each other, joke and tease, intellectually stimulate one another, and respect and admire each other as people. There’s still a spark and twinkle for both of them, quite an achievement after so many years.

My grandparents were married 55 years, and it was the same with them. They were best friends and prefered to be with each other to anyone else. Which was not to say they didn’t have hundred of friends, but that spark never died.

Romantic love can endure, if you choose to focus your energy and attention on it. It can all start with that one longing look, or a second and third look. One thing’s for sure, everyone adores the idea of love at first sight, but even more important is love at last look. If you are open to the idea that relationships are all about relating, communication, those longing looks can be the perfect start to a lifetime of deep, abiding connection.

Happy Valentine’s Day with your partner, if you have one, and if you are single, well, start giving and getting some long, lingering looks.

In our continuing series, we look at the nature of romance in the modern world.

A VIEW FROM THE OFFICE
Then there is the office romance,not as taboo as it once was, but definitely another ‘delicate’ romantic issue that has to be dealt with carefully for the same reason. You don’t want to dumpt garbage or toxic waste on your desk. You also don’t want to be a source of gossip and distraction in the work place, or get distracted.

Another reason for avoiding the office romance is to ensure you don’t make people uncomfortable, especially if there is too much ‘chemistry’ going on between you. Trying to ‘get a room’ in the supply closet is never a good idea, yet somehow we think we will get away with it, or that no one will know!

Believe me, everyone will know. I’ve seen far too many people, especially women, lose their jobs over office romances, for me to recommend them.

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU WANT

There is nothing quite like romance and longing looks, the way your heart flutters when that special person enters a room. If you are missing that sensation, then you are missing out.

It is great to have someone to share life’s experiences with, good and bad, but if you would rather bake cookies or finish your excel spreadsheet than spend time with your loved one, you need a romance reality check.

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET

One of the most fun times in a relationship is when you are first ‘seeing each other’. Curious phrase, that means you are only now noticing each other. Hopefully noticing, and picking up clues about the other person and what you can share in a meaningful way.

One of the great things about dating is exploring all your options. If there is something you see that you think is a character trait or habit you can’t live with long-term, well, better to know it now than later.

IS SEEING REALLY BELIEVING?

Having said that, there is always the honeymoon period in any relationship, which usually lasts about 5 to 8 months before things start to pop up. I always think of Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney-whirlwind courtship, 5 month marriage, and whatever she SAW in him at first was not only gone, but the new aspects she SAW were so horrifying, she didn’t even just get a divorce, she got an annulment. The marriage never happened? It must have been pretty awful indeed.

But again, that was HER mind. However, do use common sense.

On the other hand, their character may unfold before you more gradually. They might surprise you in a crisis, or conversely, let you down when you need them most. Therefore, it is important to get to know each other and find these things out about the other person before you start planning a future with them, only to wake up one morning and find yourself alone.